Oh my Darlyne!
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Darlyne wagner 66
Darlyne Wagner was going through an internal retrospective pondering of where to take her life next after challenges thrown her way one after the other over the last 4 decades. Sudden loss of her first born at 19 years of age, divorce, death, disconnection, pandemic and breast cancer during the pandemic but not one thing that can hold her down. She is resilient!
One day just awhile ago I told a friend that "I had felt my life had gone full circle" as I am back to being alone.
Most of my childhood I felt alone, no siblings, low self-esteem, few friends, controlling parents and was not told very often I was loved. I felt my dream to fix that was to get married, have a loving husband, hopefully kids and my loneliness would go away. Well I achieved that at a very young age and was blessed with four beautiful children, who became my world.
But God threw a curveball when he blessed me with my first born being special needs, she changed my life. People would tell me God only gives these kids to parents that can handle it. I was one of those at age 23.
I knew she would be my forever love and I her caregiver for life. A number of years later I was blessed with another daughter and two sons. I was one happy lady. My professional career choice was to be a mom. What a rewarding career it was.
In summer of 1998 we made the move to the west coast from the prairies. Shortly after settling in, my life crashed. Early in 1999 my special needs daughter, (19 yrs young) suddenly passed away. The death of a child hit hard, depression set in, loneliness again, no close family support and stress showed itself at high levels. I'd ask myself "where do I go" as I was her primary caregiver. So, after years of depression, I woke up one day and said "snap out of it Darlyne" telling myself I had more family to care for. My husband had immersed himself in his career and eventually empty nest syndrome had arrived. Sitting alone often I’d wonder about my purpose. Then one day my world as I knew it changed dramatically, yet again!
Spring of 2017 my marriage fell apart, ending in divorce. A couple of years later on Dec 24, I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, involving six rounds of chemo, major surgery, radiation, all while living through the Pandemic. I am happy to share I'm in recovery. Then in the spring of 2021 both my parents die only five days apart and very recently in the summer of 2022 my x husband father to my kids dies tragically in a vehicle accident. Most of this took place while my only daughter chooses to distance herself from me. Did I dramatically change! Now I feel I am really alone again and my life has gone "full circle"
Life is telling me it's time for Darlyne, its primarily me now. I say to myself I deserve better things ahead. Then one night Anna's "50 over 50" site showed up on my phone fed , I said "I need to do this"
I am hoping to have a new version of me, to make things better, return my self confidence, learn to accept the praise and start to dream of my new future. This will be a challenge for me to be told by Anna your beautiful, to be pampered, photographed and search for my new inner self.
I was so excited after talking with Anna, hearing her encouraging words has helped lift my spirits, bring a smile to my face and put a spring in my step. That's when I said its time for me to feel loved again.
Thanks, Anna, for helping me to restart, re find, rebuild my inner women again and start a new life circle, my experience with Anna was great!
